


Big Boss

by rightsidethru



Category: Despicable Me (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Minions (2015), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Tony Stark is the Minions' Overlord, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 13:51:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11692998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rightsidethru/pseuds/rightsidethru
Summary: Tony seriously isn't paid enough for this shit.(In fact, he isn't paid--at all--for this shit.)aka: Tony Stark - Minion Overlord





	1. Tony Stark, Minion Overlord

**Author's Note:**

> So this came about while I was stuck in traffic on the freeway heading home from work. 100% crack - treated 50% seriously. I have no regrets, though, because writing this was definitely amusing for me. ;D
> 
> For reference's sake, [this](http://marvel.wikia.com/wiki/Iron_Man_Armor_Model_42) is the Mark 42 (a.k.a. Armor Model 42).
> 
> Post-Captain America: Civil War timeline-wise, if only because why would you need the ex-Avengers when you could have Minions? _Literally_?? XD
> 
> Written in about an hour and very obviously not beta read. I hope that you enjoy it, regardless? :D;

** Big Boss **

Tony Stark had seen some incredibly weird shit during his time as an Avenger.

It had gotten to the point that the engineer had started to figure that nothing would ever really surprise him anymore. Sentient Blob-monsters, robots gone berserk, dinosaurs stepping out of space-time wormholes, villainous doppelgängers from an alternate reality… this week’s Big Bad pretty much became a dime a dozen.

That all changed, however, when one of Reed Richards’ most recent experiments got a bit out of hand, and Tony and Vision both were deployed to clean up the aftermath of an unexpected inter-dimensional portal popping up in the middle of Central Park. Thankfully enough, the readings coming from the scene showed that no explosions were occurring—always a good sign that whoever or whatever would come out of the portal would be friendly enough—and the energy signature of the portal itself was enough that Tony figured that it would be closing by itself in a couple of hours.

Until then, it looked like he and Vision were on portal-sitting duty.

Things went a bit… sideways… however, when Tony did his typical land in front of the portal, crouched down with a knee braced to the ground and a hand lowered to steady himself from the shift in g-forces. Balance obtained, the engineer glanced up towards the portal—and came face to face with one of the inhabitants of the other dimension.

Surprised (if only because the sensors hadn’t picked up on the inhabitant’s energy signature), the multiple repulsors in the Mark 42 flared a bloody red in warning as FRIDAY read the sudden surge of adrenaline in Tony’s body as preparation for battle—and the little being stared up at the intimidatingly aggressive black, gold, and red Iron Man armor with increasingly widening eyes.

It was a funny looking little creature: school bus yellow in color, wearing a pair of denim overalls and protective goggles over its—single?—eye, and if Tony had to be completely honest with himself, the best comparison he could make to the other being was a yellow fire hydrant.

Before the inventor was able to say anything—offer a greeting or a temporary welcome-to-Earth-while-the-portal’s-open or his name or _anything_ that was passing diplomatic (see, he was totally paying attention during that particular Accords Committee meeting, Pepper and Rhodey, thank-you-very-much)—the other being clasped its hands to its chest as a rapturous expression settled across its face.

“ _Big Boss!!_ ”

As if the ecstatic cry was a call to arms, more of the little yellow beings—all squat, dressed in overalls, and sporting goggles over the single and the standard two eyes—came pouring out of the portal en masse.

“…what the fuck,” Tony stated flatly, already 110% done with the day and Richards’ experiments, and the increasingly large mob of _whatevers_ turned towards the engineer like they were a compass and Tony was true North.

Also as one, the beings’ eyes widened upon spotting Tony. Some appeared to faint in what looked like shock, others pulled rather concerningly large rocket launchers from out of nowhere (What the hell??!! Was that a _morning star_?!), and they all broke out in the same exact chant: “ _Big Boss_! _Big Boss_! _Big Boss_!”

(From the back of the group, Tony could—oddly enough—hear one outlier yell out, “Banana!!”)

Of course, it was just Tony’s luck that Richards’ portal finally destabilized enough to collapse on itself without any prompting from himself or from Vision. But that also meant that the little mob of yellow beings were stuck _here_ , on the _wrong_ side of the portal—and still chanting ‘Big Boss!’ with almost religious fervor.

“A little help here, Vision?” Tony eventually asked a bit helplessly, flipping up his faceplate to shoot an imploring look the android’s way.

Vision glanced from the mob to the man who was a pseudo-father to himself, and back to the mob. “You have been diligent in exposing me to pop culture and the various references you utilize on a regular, minute by minute basis. With that in mind, the only response that I feel is adequate enough to express myself is this: ‘Not my division.’”

Tony gasped, pressing a hand to the main core repulsor embedded in the armor’s chestplate. “ _Et tu, Brute_? Vision: I am both proud of your pop culture reference and betrayed by your callousness towards the situation at hand. Mostly betrayed, though, because I also thought that we were going to watch Sherlock together.”

In answer, Vision just quirked a small, amused smile and resumed hovering, lifting off to head towards the Fantastic Four headquarters to notify Reed Richards that denizens from his latest portal had accidentally been on the wrong side when said portal finally collapsed. As the android left Central Park behind, he could still hear gleeful chants of “ _Big Boss_!” filling the air of the clearing.

++

Several hours later, after being informed by an apologetic Reed Richards that there _wasn’t_ a way to replicate the particular wavelength that generated the latest portal—apparently ‘freak accident’ didn’t come close to expressing what happened—Tony tried to begin resigning himself to the fact that there was no way to get rid of the little yellow other-beings… and that it was _also_ most likely that they would become permanent residents of Stark Tower.

He tried to ignore how the beings all cheered when he ordered them into the workshop and living quarters areas, as well as the fact that none of them had stopped saying ‘Big Boss’ whenever he was anywhere near them. It seemed as if _that_ was a name that would stick, especially with how reverently one of the beings—Kevin? Let’s go with Kevin.—polished the Mark 42 armor.

DUM-E, Butterfingers, and U appeared to already be fond of the beings, though, yellow mob members staring up at the robots with as much mutual fascination as the robots stared back. Communication wasn’t an issue, either: the robots would beep and chirp at the beings and the others would cheerfully reply back in whatever language they spoke (though Tony would _also_ swear up and down that one of the beings told U that the robot was as beautiful as a papaya).

“Well, Boss, it could be worse” FRIDAY commented lightly enough—and Tony vowed that they were all against him because his baby girl didn’t even _try_ to hide the amusement in her voice—“At least you already have your Minion army on hand for when you decide to try the supervillain route.”

“ _Big Boss_!!” the Minions all cheered in contented agreement.

“ **Banana**!”

::fin::


	2. Stuart, Bug-Catcher Extraordinaire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter finally gets to meet one of the Minions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was originally supposed to be a oneshot, but... I woke up this morning with all of these additional scenes that would _also_ be fun to write. (And I do seriously love the idea of Tony Stark: Longsuffering Minion Overlord. XD)
> 
> There may or may not be future chapters after this one. It honestly depends on time, inspiration, motivation, etc. Until then, always assume that the last chapter posted is the 'end' of this story because there may or may not be more following. IF there _are_ more chapters, they'll always be done in this chapter's style: scenes, vignettes, slice-of-life, etc.

Tony had been meaning to tell Peter about the Minions—but with one (legitimate) emergency after another, the necessary evil that came with juggling the meetings with the Accords Committee, and then fielding the various new devices that SI was working on releasing to the general public at some point in the near future—well… no one couldn’t say that Tony _didn’t_ have a full plate (because he did). So, yeah, the engineer had forgotten to mention to Underoos that his Tower had been overrun by squat yellow beings who took mob mentality to all whole ‘nother level.

The genius came to the realization of this overslight when, one day, he stepped into his workshop to begin working on a new project that had been playing at the edges of his mind for the past several days… and stopped abruptly at the sight that he was greeted with as he stepped through the sliding doors to the ‘shop.

“…Peter,” Tony began warningly as he eventually made his way closer to where it appeared that Peter had been caught by a stereotypical rope trap. The teen waved sheepishly at his superior and continued to swing back and forth, upside down. “Do I even want to know?” the older man continued, sighing gustily as a hand came up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

(Seriously, though. _His life_ \--what even??)

“Hi, Mr. Stark!” Spider-man replied cheerily enough; perhaps the teen thought (most likely _hoped_ ) that Tony would just let the scene go and drop the subject before it even had the chance to begin. “I’m ready and reporting for duty!”

…seriously, though-- _his life_.

“It looks like you got snagged in some trouble along the way, Peter,” Tony eventually pointed out, tone dry as his arms shifted to cross in front of his chest. The entire situation was boggling in his sheer amount of _what the hell??_ -ness, but if Tony wanted to be honest, he truly had encountered weirder things and, held-hostage-Spider-man or not, this really was pretty much a typically normal day for him. Continuing, Tony asked: “Why are you hanging upside down in my lab, Underoos?”

“…well…” the kid began; despite the fact that he was currently hanging upside down, Tony was able to readily see the chagrin and embarrassment that oozed off of the teen in _waves_. “You told me to stop by the Tower so that we could work a bit more on my suit—which you already know since you were the one who sent the text—except that I got here a little bit early and you weren’t here. One of your projects—nothing confidential, I swear!—was open on the projection table and FRIDAY was letting me go through the folder’s contents when-- _ **you**_!”

Peter broke off from his explanation to suddenly point over Tony’s shoulder, limbs flailing as he gestured emphatically, gesticulating wildly enough that he slowly started to swing back-and-forth from where he hung.

Already having an idea as to what awaited him should he turn around, Tony sighed gustily and glanced over his shoulder. As expected, he was confronted with the sight of one of the Minions—this one was Stuart, he was pretty sure (only FRIDAY seemed to be able to tell them _all_ apart for the time being)—dressed in safari gear, bug net braced over a shoulder.

“Para Big Boss?” Stuart said in defense for himself, gesturing towards Spider-man and waving his bug net in a threatening manner at the teen.

“Peter,” Tony finally began, resigning himself to chaos and anarchy and very loud explosions for the very near future, “I’d like to introduce you to Stuart. He’s a resident from one of Reed Richards’ alternate dimensions; Stuart’s one of the Minions living here at the Tower—for now, anyway.”

Even through the thick cloth of the mask, Tony could see Peter’s jaw drop. “ _Wow_. Really?”

There was a brief pause. “…does this mean that we’re supervillains now??”

Tony threw his hands up in the air, 110% done with all of this already. “ _Why does everyone keep asking me that_?!”

“Big Boss!” came Stuart’s cheerful reply.


End file.
